Hater.
I was a 21 year old freshly escaped survivor of a 4-year sadistically abusive marriage with a 1 year old baby girl. I'd only decided to audition for American Idol in hopes of making the top 10, performing one live show, and getting hired on as someone's background singer. In other words, I needed a job and singing was all I knew I could do well. I hadn't been allowed to work or enroll in school while married.
The process was fast. To my surprise, I'd become high on demand overnight. I was bombarded with scoldings about my lack of social-media presence. Being pressured to share pictures, videos and boomerangs of my day-to-day almost made me manic. Introvert natured, the demand for clippings of my daughter is where I drew the line. I had to do something... or say something, rather.
I'll just talk about my life and hobbies. That should be easy enough. Better yet, I'll answer questions from fans. That's what I'd decided. Nothing could have prepared me for what a big mistake that would turn out to be. You see, the people tuning in to my live feeds weren’t the kids down the blocks I had grown up with. Most of them weren’t from the same neighborhood, region, state, or even from the same country as me. Though they spoke ‘English’, they were far removed from speaking the same language as me.
From the words to the tones to energies and chakras and anything else they claimed they were gathering from my presentation, I was foreign to them and they were foreign to me. Didn’t take any time at all for me to be perceived as a hater or bigot or homophobic. I have said more times than I can count…I hate no one. But I have changed. I used to care about being believed when I say that, now I don’t. I’m comfortable with people thinking whatever they want about me. Why? Because their perception of me will be their experience of me or lack thereof. If they choose to ‘miss’ my presence because of internet rumors and false accusations, they deserve to be angry and hateful enough to miss me and my talents.
I come from darkness and hatred which is why I can boldly proclaim that I lead with love and light. I’ve seen what hatred and lack of understanding does to people. Why would I want to sentence myself to that way of living? It’s pure misery. I live in freedom and power. I am validated. Besides, most people’s accusations are merely confessions of what they are. With that being said, even though I didn’t ask for anyone to tell me about themselves, I suppose I’m grateful for them letting me know exactly who they are and confirming what I already know I’m not ;). ~Hater~